August 1st, 2001 #134 Fred's Wild Kingdom. in search of the wild ear dangler palm thingie ON THE FIRST DAY OF OUR SAFARI, I was most fortunate to be able to witness and observe, first hand, the discovery of a strange race of homo sapiens. What a thrilling trip! ___ Soon you'll probably see this one on your local public TV channel where they take you into the deepest, darkest far away places (or, next door,) to visit with weird people displaying unusual habits, doing weird things to themselves. ___ The anthropologists have dubbed this particular race the "Ear Danglers" -- characterized by an awkward stance, strutting in aimless circles while speaking in a broken dialog (usually very loudly,) with no apparent listener. During this behavior they clutch and rub the areas of their head calling attention to something dangling out of their ear. Additionally, they repeatedly tap their breasts or waists as if rearranging something beneath their garments. (It is now believed that this strutting, tapping behavior could be a new ritual to attract opposite sex.) ___ As we observed further, these Ear Danglers demonstrated themselves as the more affluent members of the tribe, wearing the best outer coverings, most shiney footwear, and usually showing off gold or precious metals around their wrists and necks. ___ On the second day of the trek, we observed a subservient sub-phyla of the race whom must have mutated through interbreeding with the regular inhabitants of the region. This new phyla was dubbed the "Hand Thingies." ___ The Hand Thingies have attached their danglers to the palms of their hands, and are easily identified by a constant motion of the other hand, caressing, fondling and scratching their thingie. The Hand Thingies are obviously not as high on the social structure of the race because their coverings were generally not as finished as the Ear Danglers, and in many cases they appeared to be totally uncaring for their dress or behavior so long as they were allowed to continue scratching their thingies. Their mating behavior was even more bizarre than the Ear Danglers -- openly displaying and pointing their thingiaes at each other, laughing, gesturing, even touching thingies for mutual approval -- exhibiting an evident disregard for gender! ___ The highlight of the adventure however was the sheer thrill of a few, fleeting glimpses of the most rare individuals of this society -- possibly a product of interbreeding between the two races -- the Ear Dangler Hand Thingies. ___ We've since observed that this rapidly growing race is springing up in almost every location around the world, but you needn't worry. For the most part they're harmless, just ignore them. The only time you have to watch out for them is when they're driving an automobile, or attending a trade show. ...on location from the Show floor, Macworld, New York, 2001 Good day. Fred Showker is a designer, consultant, writer and speaker. He has published 60-Second Window and DT&G Magazine online since 1990, and is director of The Graphic Design Network which includes The Design & Publishing Center at www.Graphic-Design.com. (1994) He was a co-founder of both The User Group Forum on America Online (1987), The User Group Network at www.User-Groups.net, (1994) and the Designers' Bookshelf (1996) He originally founded Showker Graphic Arts & Design in 1972, has been an avid computer activist and supporter since 1984. Got Comments??? back to the 60-Second Window Index, 60-Second Lobby . . . or: The Design & Publishing Center. / . The User Group Network. / . Design University. / . The Designers' Bookshelf. / Would you like to carry the 60-Second Windows column in your newsletter or web site? Ask us about our syndication program... join hundreds of others who now publish 60-Second Windows! Thank you for visiting http://www.60-second.com/ DT&G: The Electronic Journal for Design, Typography & Graphics c/o Showker Graphic Arts 15 SouthGate, Harrisonburg, VA 22801 TAD, Voice, FAX: (540) 433-8402 Thank you for visiting 60-second.com, graphic-design.com, user-groups.net, and all of the sites including The Design & Publishing Center, The User Group Network, The Graphic Design Network. We bring you 100% spam-free content for designers, illustrators, publishers, photographers, and visual graphics arts professionals from all corners of the world. http://www.graphic-design.com/DTG/ -- Contents Copyright (c) 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001. 60-Second Window is trademark, copyrighted since 1990. DT&G Magazine, and The Design & Publishing Center invite you to visit Photoshop Tips & Tricks at: http://www.graphic-design.com/photoshop/. Reproduction or reuse of parts or all of this manuscript without prior written permission is expressly forbidden.